Bananas, Bananas, Bananas

The banana plant is not actually a tree. It is the world's largest herb, close cousins to lilies, orchids and palms. Like many wonders of the East, such as spices, silk, Algebra, and horned headed Mithras, the Western world owes it's introduction to bananas to Alexander the Great.
However, I was told this was wasn't a graduate thesis, so I'll get to the point.
Bananas….. Hate 'em.
I want to love them. I hear rumors that bananas are one of the tastiest things on the planet. The world's MVP of fruits. Hells bells, they even come in nature's perfect packaging.
But I can't do it. I can't eat banana anything. I wish I could. Whenever I order smoothies at juice bars, I tell them to hold the banana. The counter person always looks at me as if I'm insane and points out: "It's not going to be creamy if there's no banana in it."
"Yeah," I always respond. "I know. But I don't like bananas." "But--I don't--what's wrong with you?" They always huff as if I just told them their baby was kinda funny looking.
Back in the Rustbelt, I used to frequent a juice joint called "Liquid Planet." Out of their thirty two smoothie selections, only one was naturally made without bananas. And it was aptly titled: "The Mother to Be." I could never order it with a straight face.
That's why I make smoothies at home.
This has been a life long condition of mine. There was never a time that the banana and I were friends. Somewhere in the cluttered basement of my parent's house in Cleveland, Ohio, there is a dog eared copy of Dr. Seuss' "All About Me" that I filled out when I was five. Under the section of foods I don't like, BANANAS is scrawled boldly in black crayon. When unabashed carnivores find out I'm a vegan, their comments are usually pretty unoriginal. My personal favorite is: "So how come you're not skinny?" Because, you know, us vegans eat nothing but nuts and berries... My least favorite is: "Okay, so say you're stranded on a deserted island and there's nothing to eat but fish. Would you eat it then...?" At that point in the conversation, I usually remember that I left the oven on and have to rush home right away. But thinking about it in this context, I really hope there are some effing mango trees on this deserted island so many meat eaters are convinced I'm gonna wind up on one day. Because if all I got are bananas, I'm screwed.

-Meghan Louise Wagner